don't be sorry.

I have read a fair share of articles about Down syndrome this month.  And there seems to be something common among them all... which is how a diagnosis is delivered.  It seems to be - whether new born, or a prenatal diagnosis, the Doctor delivering the news tends to come across as if a funeral were happening.  As if the dreams of some couple and their baby are crushed - as if theres no hope, nothing positive, as if its a long road of hardships that come along with it.  Truth is - ok, maybe no one dreams of having a child with Down syndrome, but that certainly doesn't mean there dreams arent created thanks TO Down syndrome.  The delivery of a diagnosis is something that is going to stick with the family forever.  Making it more positive should be the approach.  They ARE the lucky few.  Its easier to gain the attention of the couple who are receiving the news for the first time - if you start it with something positive instead of saying 'sorry.'   There is still people today who say sorry or feel sorry after finding out I have a child with Down syndrome.  I'm still trying to figure out what there is to be sorry about.

Lincoln could have been diagnosed at birth.  I specifically remember the nurse asking moments after he was born - who's ears he had... my husband also has a fold in his ears.  But for the reason only God above knows, he wasn't.  He could have been diagnosed the day we saw the paediatrician, BUT he wasn't - simply because she didn't want to deliver the news to only me - without my husband - and she wanted to have the confirmation before confirming.  She did say there was a chance - but that didn't set in at the time.  I went home and researched it - and needless to say, i had 5 weeks of comforting myself to positively receive the diagnosis if it had been positive.  After 5 weeks of waiting, we were asked to meet her.  We knew then... we were 99% sure she was going to tell us.  The way she delivered the news was a cold confirmation.  I suppose it would be difficult for any Doctor... but I think it was extra difficult for her because she kind of had to admit to that the medical family we had before had failed.

The new news should start with a connecting story,  because lets be honest here, modern medicine has come so far.  It used to be that the life expectancy of individuals with Down syndrome was significantly shorter, but now they are expected to live as long of a life as anyone else. Sure, there will be tests to preform, and there may be medical conditions that need to be addressed, but thanks to well educated Doctors and surgeons, we can stay confident, and know that everything will be fine.  There will be plenty of good information available, and we should take it one step at a time. The child will do well, be loving, fulfill many lives, and give you plenty of surprises along the way.   There is never a hug left undelivered, or a tear left un wiped at home.  As time goes on, we have come to understand that Lincoln is teaching us some of the greatest lessons we have learned so far!  So don't be sorry.  Because we sure as heck aren't!!!