spread the word to end the "R" word

You may not be aware of the damage this word can cause when used, So I'm blogging to spread the word on how this word hurts.  TODAY is the day to spread the word, to educate you, that YOU can help make a difference to end the word.  Take the pledge at www.r-word.org to put an end to the word.   If not now, WHEN?  if not you, WHO?  It starts with one voice, one person to make a stand.  The word might not be hurtful to you, but it is to me.  Show respect and pledge.


According to the dictionary, the "R" word means : to make slow, delayed, development or progress or an action/process etc; to hinder or impede.
Retarded is an ACTUAL medical term that has been twisted into an offensive slang term. And because Lincoln has Trisomy 21 he automatically fits under the medical definition.  The "R" word has been used widely in todays society to degrade and insult people.  Lincoln, however is NONE of those negative things implied when you casually throw that word around. So next time you are tempted to use that word please stop and ask yourself what you are really trying to say...because the "R" word isnt just a word, it is offensive, and derogative.  Asking people not to use this word is not censorship, or freedom of speech, its about consideration, dignity, and respect for people with an intellectual disability.  When you say “you're a "R" ” you not only risk offending or hurting someone, but frankly you sound unintelligent.  It may seem overly sensitive, but it hits close to home, and I am standing up for not only Lincoln, but everyone else who is being labeled by this hurtful outdated term. I hope we might someday live in a world where the R Word doesn’t exist.  I know that most people mean no harm by it and you may feel its not really offensive because you are using it in a humorous manner, but you're wrong.  Its offensive to say "You're so retarded" So please, dear casual user of the "R" word, remove it from your every day vocabulary.  I will stand up to my pledge, and ask you to join me to please end the word.  I urge you to share this blog, because together, WE CAN.





Please picture this sweet face next time, and pick a different word :) ... because to me, he IS A BIG DEAL!!

Growing up

I cant even begin to tell you how much joy LINCOLN brings to our lives every day.  He is such a caring and loving boy who makes us so proud!

From therapy appointments to grocery shopping, to doctor appointments, his manners are there to follow.  When therapists come over he is always right at the door getting excited that someone is coming over, and when we go out to the grocery store, and he decides he wants to walk rather than sit in the cart, he is so polite to everyone we pass by; by saying "excuse me" followed by a "thank you"... so how could you NOT love him!  I love the feeling I get of getting smiles on my face  so big, that my nose tingles and my eyes start to water.  I am so proud to be his mom, and so happy of the independent little man he is becoming.  I recently put him in charge of points cards like airmiles or PC plus points.  He gets to hand them to the cashier.  He has a whole new love for the ladies behind the counter.  He patiently waits in line, then when it is our turn, he so enthusiastically, says hi, followed by his 'down syndrome' lingo...blabbing on about anything and everything - I'm sure!  He is starting to get better at throwing actual words into his blabbing.  A pretty prime example: Last week, when dad was not home for dinner because he was working on his car - which has been giving him problems lately... when we prayed... Parker usually prays with the song "johnny apple seed" and Lincoln prays in his lingo followed by a clear amen.  But this time, Lincoln threw in actual words, saying "daddy at work" and then lingo again.  It was the cutest thing. Anyways, its cute to watch the cashiers chatting with Lincoln as he is handing the odd item for them to scan.  Lincoln is always trying to do his best to impress people, and he is doing a pretty fine job at doing that!

reading a story to his cousins :)

  

We had his follow up appointment with his ENT - post all ear infections, and he passed his hearing test with 100%!  Its the first time he has gotten 100%....  And, his language has taken off as a result!  He will hopefully be getting 2 speech blocks in before school starts when he will be transferred to a different therapist.
Lincoln has started at his new nursery school at the YMCA, and is loving it so much!  He was going 2 mornings a week for the month of Jan, and I was able to get him in for 4 mornings a week starting in Feb.  I decided to send him more mornings a week because he really loves it!!  His first day of drop off, he walked right in, found the books, and started reading, with a slight bye to Parker and i (Parker insisted on a hug, and got it however)... But i just loved the thought that Lincoln was comfortable there.  Its only 2.5 hours a day, 9:15-11:45, so its not a very long time period.  He gets so vocal when he walks in every day, by greeting everyone with a huge "HI", a couple hugs for mom and Parker, and off to playing with his friends.  Everybody knows he is there.  I love how much he loves life!  It brings out the best in everybody around him, and he makes us all so proud!  He has been wearing underwear to daycare also...  potty training has also moved forward!  Not saying he asks, or tells me when he has to go potty yet, but keeping consistent.  He has yet to go at daycare, but he is pretty good at holding it.  Hes been wearing underwear for probably 2 months now, with only 2 accidents!  Now I use just 2 diapers a day.  One for Parker and one for Lincoln at bed time. Lincoln is ALSO getting pretty good at dressing himself!  He is capable of getting all his clothes off on his own, and he puts his own PJ's on every night!  Hes almost got it mastered!!  The encouragement we give him is really pushing Parker to be independent as well, so my job just got a WHOLE lot easier ;)

LOVE THESE KIDS!!

We will be registering Lincoln for kindergarten (SK) this week.  This past weekend Mike and I attended a workshop to learn how to get the best out of education that we can - for Lincoln to reach his highest goals It was able to clarify anything we were un sure of. We want nothing but the best for him and we will do what ever it takes to get him there! So hard to believe its that time of year already!!  Cause that means WINTER is almost over!!!!

Thanks so much for reading!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas to all my readers!  With only 2 sleeps left, I hope you are as ready as I am!  ;)  Its been a while since I have last updated you on how things are here at the Holden House... but I am happy to announce, that we are finally healthy again (knock on wood).   Alot has happened in the past month and a half.  Lincoln had surgery on to get tubes put back in his ears, which went really well, and there were no complications.  This is his second time getting tubes, the first time, however, he had his tonsils and adenoids removed at the same time, so recovery was quite different.  I didn't know what to expect, so I was amazed that he walked out of it as if nothing happened!!  He's such a champion.

                                    

We were able to find him another daycare.  Lincoln got signed up for the YMCA morning nursery school program down the road.  We toured a couple daycares in our search, but this one seemed perfect because it only has 7 kids, and runs in the morning 9:30-11:45, so I can continue to work on potty training.  He was supposed to start at the beginning of December, but has been battling illnesses left right and center since the day before his starting day. (Not only Lincoln... our whole HOUSE!! - Its disinfected now... so if you planned on stopping by, you're in the clear ;) )  Lincoln started it with fifths disease - also known as slap cheek, which starts with vomiting, gives you a fever, then a rash that covers your whole face, and most of your body, and the only cure is time... so that was about 4 days.  Then Parker got strep throat, then I got strep throat, then Lincoln had so much fluid oozing from his left ear it was making him feverish - and after 2 rounds of sitting in emerge, he got antibiotics for an ear infection, and has been doing well since, then Mike got strep throat, then I got strep throat AGAIN!!!  Its a good thing the whole house was on antibiotics at the same time, or who knows if we would have ever gotten better!!!  But, we're better, and couldn't be more thankful!!!  So, Lincoln has not started daycare yet, and will start again in Jan. after the holidays.  

Lincoln is starting to talk understandably... and it is the cutest thing ever!  Parker continues to be his little translator also, which is too cute.  Most people (well, most people who know how to understand kids anyways) can understand Lincoln.  He is starting to use sentences... not crystal clear sentences, but we usually know what he is saying which is such a help, especially when it comes to him and some of the funny things he does - not that he does alot of funny things, but when you're not too sure why hes doing something, he is able to tell you why.  He (we) is also (gosh, i hope I'm not jinxing it again....) "POTTY TRAINED"!!!!  I say we because he still doesn't tell me, but he has been wearing underwear during the days and we have a pretty good routine, and he actually listens to me when I tell him to go potty now.  Such a relief.  I prefer just telling him to go potty rather than picking him up to go to the bathroom, struggling with him to get his pants off while hes screaming he doesn't have to go (when he DOES), calming him down while on the potty, and finally getting the waterfall out...Thank the LORD!  

GOSH HE'S CUTE!!  I COULD EAT HIM!!

So... last night, before eating dinner, we pray.  And Parker has stared asking questions about Lincoln... as to why he wasn't praying.  We usually sing "Johnny Apple Seed" - with Parker as the leader. Well,  last night, he stopped, and told Lincoln to sing.  I am wondering if this is the beginning of Parker noticing that Lincoln is different.  I thought I wouldn't have this for a couple more years to come.  Although I'm sure i wont struggle finding the right words to say, the thoughts of me saying the wrong thing at the wrong time scares  me.  I haven't really thought about how I would say it, because I have never been in the situation before.  Even Lincolns cousin Zack has never asked (me anyways) why Lincoln doesn't talk.  Zack just talks the same way as Lincoln does when they are together... which drives my sister NUTS!!  lol.

I have also started joining Down Syndrome programs.  I mailed in to my dues to join the London Down Syndrome Association, and have started following a bunch of other mommy and daddy's on instagram who have children with special needs.  I was never exposed to other families or parents who live their lives just as I do - with a child with Down Syndrome, so its very interesting to see and read how others deal with their day to days.  And to be able to ask questions, or comment on how some struggles can be over taken!

So thank you everyone!!  You are so special in our lives even if we have never met before.  Lincoln truly is amazing, and has blessed our lives the way no one or nothing ever could have.

Merry  Christmas!

Love, 

The Holden's

continued....

Today is a continuation from yesterday, entitled:

3 THINGS I WISH YOU WOULDN’T DO:

Feel sorry for us 
Its interesting how sometimes when you tell someone the news about your child's diagnosis, you hear the sounds awww, or I'm sorry....  It makes it sound like you feel sorry for us. Please don’t feel sorry for us.  We have a fantastic life with our two little guys. We love our life.  We cherish our sons.  Does our life look a little different?  Yes, of course.  We have some added challenges.  But, we wouldn’t have it any other way. 
Treat Lincoln differently
I often wonder if I sometimes treat Lincoln a little differently than Parker.  There are times I “cater to the Down syndrome” so to speak, and let Lincoln get away with attitudes and behaviors that I shouldn’t. I want Lincoln to know that he is held to the same standard as Parker.  To the same standard as his typical peers.  I want him to learn respect, to learn manners, to learn sharing, and to be polite.  He will have the same values, morals, beliefs, and attitudes I teach Parker.  I want him to know that there are consequences for his actions.  Though, the timeline for him learning those things may look a little different.  
Use the “r-word”
I know I’ve talked about this in a previous post... I used this word before I had Lincoln, I used it as part of my vocabulary.  At that point in my life, i couldn't imagine what the big deal was.  I never intentionally used it in a derogatory way, I never used it when I was talking about individual people, and I NEVER associated it with actual disabilities.  It was just one of those words that seemed to fit in certain situations (I have now replaced it with the word “ridiculous”).  After I had Lincoln I immediately stopped using it.  The word took on a whole new meaning for me.  It made me recognize the impact of the word as it took whole new meaning in my context.

Thanks for reading :)

try to connect

Before Lincoln was born, I had no connection to the world of disabilities.  Had I met someone on the street, in the store, or at church, I would have had no idea how to interact with them.  It is not that I was ever trying to be hurtful, I was just naive because the disability world had never been a part of my experience.  I am aware that many of you who read my blog may find yourselves in the same position. Lincoln may be the first person you have met with a disability, and sometimes you may find yourself wondering what to say, what not to say, or how to act/react.  For those of you who have ever felt this way, I give you this:

3 THINGS I WISH YOU WOULD DO:

Ask questions Asking questions is a great way to start a conversation.  I love talking about Lincoln, about Down syndrome, and about the journey that we are on. If you care to know something, ask! Asking questions is a great way to learn more, and to ultimately better understand and appreciate Lincoln and others who share an extra chromosome. 
Listen Listening goes hand-in-hand with asking questions, but sometimes it can go beyond that.  There are times in everyone’s life when we just need a listening ear.  Sometimes I just need someone to listen to me as I vent about some of the difficulties that come along with raising a child with Down Syndrome and parenting in general. Not looking for someone to solve everything for me, but just to listen as I try to work it out. 
Get to know Lincoln  Lincoln is an amazing little boy!  He has a very distinct, loveable, mischievous personality.  Interact with him.  Play with him.  Communicate with him.  Treat him with the same love and respect with which you would treat any other kiddo.  Do not let him get away with things you wouldn’t let your kids get away with!  You will be surprised at what you will learn.

I LOVE celebrating difference!

As you may know, Nov. 1-7 is National Down Syndrome Awareness Week.  Something I like to do, is blog frequently all week to raise awareness about Down Syndrome; to help open eyes and educate you that, despite an extra chromosome, individuals with Down Syndrome are the same as everyone else.  I find it is important to help raise awareness to people who don't have the privilege to know someone personally who has Down Syndrome.  That these children and adults have such potential, and are so special to everyone who knows them.  As I have stated before, "God is in the process of changing lives, and a sprinkling of people with Down Syndrome is one way he uses."  I am such a positive believer in this, , because they truely warm hearts, and bring out the best in people.  

I am totally overwhelmed with all of the responses and readers I had yesterday and today on my blog.  It really helps me feel that I am doing my part to help you realize that they are a blessing, a miracle, and a true gift from God.  They may have a learning disability, and look a little different than some of their friends, but they are a walking opportunity for people to be their best.  We realized that attitude is everything, and with the right attitude, anything is possible :)

Parenting is an eye opening, life changing, - worth every minute experience, and the same goes for raising a little one with a little extra :)

I love celebrating difference.

NATIONAL DOWN SYNDROME AWARENESS WEEK

Happy National Down Syndrome Awareness week!!  As per usual, I will try to blog every day, but seeing as I have covered most things in my previous blogs, I might just share an article here and there... as everything will seem repetitive.
Well, its been a while since i have last blogged... and ALOT has gone on since.  We completed a speech block with a group of other boys (as it seems boys are usually the ones who have speech delays...), and that lasted 2 months, once a week.  Lincoln was the oldest in the group, and the other two boys (who didn't have a learning disability) were almost 3 and 2.5.  Lincoln started off being the one who talked the most, but by the end, the other boys were doing really well.  Lincoln did really well too, he is starting to put sentences together, which is so cute. Parker seems to understand him really well, and if other people are around, Parker will translate what Lincoln wants if they cannot understand what he is saying, which is so tear jerking and sweet!  He's a great brother, and is doing such a good job at encouraging Lincoln to hit milestones Parker has already hit.  Parker is potty trained, and Lincoln has weeks where he is potty trained, and weeks where he refuses to go on the potty, so Parker's encouraging words to Lincoln about being able to wear cool boxers like daddy means you're a big boy... and Lincoln will usually go (with a bit of a fight) afterwards.  Its so tough!!  He refuses to communicate about potty training, and usually refuses to go - but i force his pants off, and as soon as he sits on the toilet, he will do a waterfall of pee.  Its tough because I don't know if I'm doing wrong forcing him.  If i DO wait, however, he will hold it until i sit him on the potty, and complain because it hurts when he goes because he has been holding it so long.  Its a long road - but we have confidence that there will be an end to this road at some point in time.  Hopefully sooner than later, though I cant complain about diapers because they are fully covered through Easter seals and ACSD - a disability funding program for children.
 We have met with our new Ear Nose, Throat specialist, and Lincoln will be getting tubes put in his ears again on Nov. 14, because there is fluid that has been sitting there for quite a while, causing mild hearing loss.  No ear infections though, so that's good.  Getting tubes will help to drain the fluid, and help his hearing, and hopefully his speech in the end.
   We meet with our occupational therapist about once every 3 weeks (just started), and we are currently working on self dressing, potty training, drinking out of a big boy cup and getting rid of his soother... (i know... hes almost 5 and still has a soother. tsk tsk tsk.)  I even wrote a book about saying bye bye susu... which the end has a garbage pail, where the soother goes.  I read the book once, and Parker threw his out right away, and never went back, Lincoln threw one out (he has a few)... but had dance parties on his bed - naked ones, til 2 am... in which i gave in and gave it back... we are still working on that.
   I have just pulled Lincoln out of daycare, and am searching for a new one, as my sister has resided from her position, and I didn't feel that they were taking things seriously with me, as in potty training, and drinking out of a big boy cup.  All the other kids drink without a lid, but Lincoln isn't there yet, and I had complaints that he was drinking out of the faucet in the bathroom at daycare (cause the kid was obviously thirsty)  So he will be done on Nov 11, and we will search for a new one.

   I was also asked to be a guest speaker for a ladies group at my parents church about a month ago.  I had about 4 months to prepare, which is good, because they wanted me to speak for half an hour!  It took alot of time preparing, and I was very nervous, but it was a great experience!  I had every ones full attention the whole time, and even brought tears to peoples eyes!  It was so nice to see so many people interested in hearing my story, and connecting with them one way or another. I think its great to get your story out there.  so that those who are not parents of children with special needs can become helpers to our cause, simply by educating themselves, or sharing an article about Down Syndrome, being empathetic, open minded, and open hearted to be able to see the person beyond the syndrome.
   Thanks for reading :)